Time really is our most valuable asset. When we are young summers last forever and that akward age of 13 seems like it will never end. Yet, as we get older time goes faster. Have you noticed that? It isn’t long before months and then years have gone by in what feels like a blink. It goes without saying that usually our lives fell like they are going faster because they also become fuller. You have more people you connect and interact with, events to attend, meetings to hold, emails to write, and the list goes on and on. It is easy to take on the superhero approach and think, “I can do it all!” The truth is, you can- but then you would have to give up sleep.

A better tactic is to implement Pareto’s Principle and the rule of 80/20. Basically, you identify the 20% that gives you 80% of your profit. So, if you are focusing on getting EVERYBODY on board for a project you are working on, realign to focus on the 20% that generate 80% of the results. This typically translates to honing in on the big players. Or, if you are selling a product or service, identify the top 20% of your target market, they are usually the ones that give you an 80% return.

We don’t have to be everything to everyone. Instead, we need to pinpoint where our 80/20 relationships are and focus our energy on the manageable 20%.

I recently received this question from a reader and am really pleased that I feel I can offer some advice on the matter.

The first thing, after you have accurately identified that which you would like to change, is to make up your mind with unwavering will power that you are going to change this habit. The good news is, as humans, we are creatures of habit- so to go from one habit to another is more easily done than one would think. This is really useful if you can shift a ‘bad’ habit to a ‘good’ one.

So, look at what you are trying to change and replace the ‘bad’ with a good habit you want to cultivate. An example would be, “I don’t want to overeat anymore” so you replace that thought with, “I drink a glass of water before each meal to help regulate my appetite.” The important thing here is to replace the thoughts associated with the bad habit with new ones corresponding to a good habit you want to develop.

It comes back to the law of the Universe- where you put your mind and attention is what you will reap. So, even if you are thinking “I don’t want to do that” you are affirming it by putting energy there.

I am really an advocate of making up your mind and just doing it! However, if you find this too difficult at first, you can start small and work your way up to the bigger goal of some of these very routine habits we all form. By exercising your will power, it will grow and so will your ability to quickly re-focus your energy and create the habits that are healthy for you.

Finally, environment is the strongest influence. So, if your habit is contingent on being around a certain person or people, you may want to spend less (or more, depending on which way you are going) time in their presence. Once you have built up your new habit you can go back to your normal schedule.

Some days I feel like I am fighting the beast of this wonderfully instantly interactive technology driven world we are now living in. It prompts me to sync my schedule and coordinate my contacts. To broadcast where I am and check-in for points. To shout out what is happening to me throughout the day and send cute emoticons to my friends.

The truth is, I actually really enjoy all of these ways of interacting and crossing over. Lately though, I have started to feel like I need to make sure I am running them and not the other way around. See, as humans we are creatures of habit, so it is easy for us to fall into a habit and stay there. It isn’t until someone or something breaks into that habit formed space that you step back and start asking questions.

Do I really need to check my twitter feed every spare moment? How about I just enjoy sitting in the sun and let my mind rest or think about something that brings me joy. Or, am I really reliant on my Google Maps to get me from point A to point B? What about exploring a new street while walking in the right direction?

I guess it really comes down to finding a balance. I think there a saying that states: “Everything in moderation is the surest way to happiness.” I really believe this, and I also believe that sometimes you need to be pulled out of your routine to see where and who you are.

This past week in NYC it has been a whirlwind of fashion shows, parties and conferences- and I came away with one very important lesson: be friends first.

Business is a tricky area to navigate. You meet someone and you know they could help you, or you could help them- but stating that outright isn’t always the best policy. As a fashion blogger, and attending a couple of really great fashion blogging conferences this week-Chictopia 10 and Independent Fashion Bloggers: Evolving Influence- there has been a great deal of talk about authenticity. My feeling is, why should this not carry over into your networking?

When you meet someone, focus on building the relationship first. Ask the personal questions, get their background and keep track of their on-goings. Really think of these people as friends. Remember their names and what they are passionate about. Share links with them through an established email exchange if you are able to do so. Build something before bringing in the business.

That way, later, when the time is right, the stars align and you need to call on them for something they will want to help you out because you have a mutually invested relationship going. It is not what you know, but who you know does carry truth- I would add, it is how you know them.

“Sometimes people are asleep in their lives and they don’t even notice it…” That is one of the many insightful quotes from the independent film “Lemonade”. A film about how getting laid off was the best thing that ever happened to a group of people who shared their stories of triumph.

What I liked most about this film is the way it challenges a person to look at where they are in life and what motivates them to get out to bed every day. So many people play it safe. Fear keeps us locked in places that don’t allow us to flourish and really reach our potential.

Hard times are life’s greatest blessings. If you use them constructively (albeit after you have had a small pity party) you grow in ways that seemed unimaginable. One of the off-shoots of this film was a story about a site that was created to showcase business cards from people’s past jobs from which they were fired. They then write on the card what they are doing now and one positive outcome from being laid off. It is an amazing and inspiring compilation. It’s called Cards of Change- take a look.

We all grew up with our parents instilling the importance of treating others as we would like to be treated. In a very simple way that remains constant. What changes are the circumstances we find ourselves in when exercising this rule.

The thing to be aware of is that this sentiment swings both ways. I find myself sometimes inspired by someone’s energy, receptivity and consideration- that is when I internalize those attributes I admire to pass on those good feelings.

On the other hand, sometimes people let you down, or don’t handle situations in a way that resonates with you. During those times, I like to step outside of the situation and learn from it. I think to myself, “I would never treat someone that way!”- but would or have I? This is where the learning takes place. You must challenge yourself to not harbor resentment or bitter feelings, but rather to turn the experience into motivation for your actions going forward.

Empathy is a powerful thing, and having stood in the shoes of the person on the receiving end of your actions,you can tap into how you felt and what you vowed to do differently. We don’t have control over other people, but we do have control of ourselves and our personal evolution- that golden rule is playing somewhere in the background of our minds and can be a useful tool.

Not sure if you caught the New York Times article the other day about seizing the the day- but it really stuck with me. The article basically statistically outlines the various ways in which points, airlines miles, gift certificates, etc go to waste because the user is waiting for the perfect time to use them.

Kinda rings a similar bell doesn’t it… Going back to my post What now? about New Year’s resolutions, I would have to say that making use of these added bonuses should have both a short and a long term approach.

If you are saving up for a trip that you know you want to take at the end of the year, that is one thing and sets you up for a long-term goal. However, if you float along in life content with where you are and what you have, make use of those little gifts sooner than later. Just book that trip to Miami, or Europe, and get a massage with that gift card. Take someone out to dinner or a champagne brunch- celebrate the extra/ free monetary help!

It may seem counter intuitive- especially since we are all pretty well programed to save right now, but here’s the catch- those points and gift cards don’t accrue interest, they expire. Yep, see what I mean? This knowledge sticks with you. Use your points or certificates to treat yourself- do it today.

Each year at New Years, we make resolutions or redefine our lives- what we are doing and where we are going. All very good things to be sure, only I have a hard time with just dreaming…

I think there should be at least a two parts to these resolved thoughts: one is a long-term view- who you want to become, the life you want to lead, the greater impact you want to have on others… and the second is about the ‘how’. A lot of the time the ‘how’ for doing something isn’t clear and you kind of have to make up your mind and take the leap, not quite knowing how it is all going to work out. What I want to emphasize is that you don’t need to know the ‘how’ so much as just what is necessary to see the next 200 feet. By focusing on what is presently in front of you, the path will unfold.

Think BIG and small. Draw it out. What are you envisioning for the future- in three months, 6, a year? These are the details of a grand resolution.

At this time of year, when gifts and well wishes are circulating- it is a most important time to remember the law of the Universe, or receprocity (if you prefer): Give what you want and you shall receive it. In other words, what you give out is what comes back to you.

So, if you want love, give love. If you want money, give money. If you want contacts, helps others make some. And all the while, make sure that you mind is happy with the thought of simply giving to give- that is when this law works the best.

It may seem unnatural or scary to exercise this thinking, so start with something small and give without remorse or fear. Give and feel the joy of giving- securely knowing that you have helped someone else acheive what they were seeking and the Universe will pay you back for that.

Don’t let thoughts of doubt- “I can’t afford that.” or “I don’t have time for that.” assail you. The truth is you can, you just don’t know it yet. Like attracts like. Giving begets giving. No matter your position in life, there is something you can offer that will benefit others and through their benefit  you too will receive.