Why do we all fall victim to hyper-sensitivity and a nauseating drop in self esteem right at the time you are meant to be your happiest? I am talking about the moment you find yourself in love. Not that lustful love or an all-consuming three week infatuation. I am talking about the realization that you have grown fond of the person you are making room in your life for. In fact, you begin to wonder what your life would be like without them and it seems you would be returning to the meekest existence possible. You are bowled over with the epiphany that you’ve allowed yourself to care for some one, and that you are feeling their reciprocity. One would think that this is the time to sing from the roof tops, or at least hum in the tube with a contagious smile. Yet, over and over again I find I must remind myself that these other feelings of insecurity and hesitation (don’t break me, I just got myself put back together again!) are at play.
“Those three words are said too much, then not enough.” A line taken from Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars is at the root of this hesitation. For anyone falling in love for the first time, those three words drop out easily and are seemingly limitless in their use. Ah, what a wonderful state to be in. Only, for those of us who have been around the block, we know that this continued state of unconditional love seems only to exist in a.) the movies b.) stories from our grandparents time and c.) the exceptional few who have a love that your sinister side doesn’t want to believe is true (I remain hopeful). Bottomline, we all fear the day that we realize we are not that amazing couple that exudes love. The day where maybe it is just not working anymore. Or worst of all, the day you are told you are no longer wanted by the one you have poured your heart and soul into. Sorry to take you to this dark place, and if you are like me the very thought makes your chest contract, but this is why we hesistate when we are back at the beginning and feel the painfully sweet cut of the double-edged sword of love.
But, here’s the thing, please, please don’t let that ever stop you from loving. Honestly, we have all been there and we all feel this way, but it is still worth seeing if this new love could be the exception to the rule. Breath in, breath out. Let the nausea pass and be happy- you are in love.
