I recently read Malcolm Gladwell’s infamous book Blink, and was particularly intrigued by the bit about speed dating and a study that Columbia University did in New York City. The whole basis of Gladwell’s book is that the first impression of a situation or a person- that passage of time that is just a blink- is more insightful and accurate than any other means of accessing someone or something for the first time. Ok, so how that links back into speed dating is that you are only given two minutes to get to know the person sitting across from you and then you switch and have another two minutes with someone else, and so on and so forth.

The interesting part is that the study found that what people say they want or are looking for in a mate is often different to what they actually respond to- especially in first time encounters. Hm, for me that begs the question, “Are we really that good at knowing what we really want?”

It seems to me that a lot of us have decided what our “type” is and what attributes we want our significant other to possess. I am not discounting the past experiences we have had to learn those preferences or to help ‘weed out’ some of the people we know are not right for us. I guess what I am saying is that we still need to hold ourselves open. The next time you interact with someone for the first time and feel something there- it should not be overlooked. Vice versa, if it’s not there, it’s not. This is true for friendships and of course relationships. 

Bottom line: intellectualizing things is fine and dandy, but don’t forget to listen to that internal nudge too.