Our culture is not one to say no.  Would you like to receive an extra 10% off.  Yes.  Would you like a drink while you wait.  Okay, thank you.  Can we interest you in a club card where you receive the 10th one free?  Why not.

Ok, ok- so these are all examples linked to promotions and sales, but have you ever realized that we are signing up for things and saying yes all the time.  Recently, a friend of mine witnessed the my agonizing over whether or not to venture out halfway across the city to attend a party in the middle of the night.  He simply said, “You seem to sign up for a lot of things you don’t want to do…”

At that moment, it hit me.  I do sign up for things I maybe don’t want to do, but also that I don’t have time to do. The later is one of the reasons a very dear friend of mine is constantly late- too much on the plate!

So, I started to think about it and there has to be a way to say no that still feels good.

I think it starts with knowing yourself and what you need.  You may need to make more time for yourself.  This means choosing where you spend your time and energy, and with whom.  The first step is realizing that you don’t have to say yes to every invite.  

Also, don’t let yourself attach guilt to saying no.  You can do it in the nicest of ways and the person on the other end should not take it personally.  If it is a time issue, be up front and let them know how busy you are but that you would like to schedule something else in the future.  

The other part of saying no that is not so pretty is the fact that you don’t need to give your time and energy away to just anybody and if you know that you don’t see real valued friendship after giving it a shot- you need to cut your losses.  It is a hard bit to swallow, but as my dear (often late- bless her heart) friend once said, “Life is too short for bad books”.  I feel the same way about people.